


Never Letting Go

by lampostOdyssey



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lampostOdyssey/pseuds/lampostOdyssey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out with two humans lost in the sheets; two souls lost in their own trying minds. </p>
<p>Dirk clones himself for Roxy's amusement; but the clone has all of Dirk's memories and feelings- he is a perfect copy. He loves Roxy just as much as the original does, and even if he tries, he simply can't let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Letting Go

It started out with two humans lost in the sheets; two souls lost in their own trying minds. The harsh morning light was just spilling through the curtains as he watched her awake, his hand resting gently on her cheek. She flitted her tired eyelids, and when she saw who was still next to her, she smiled that gorgeous smile that lit up her face. Roxy took his hand, softly entangling her fingers in Dirk’s. There was no greater joy, for him, to wake up to that smile, and feel her skin on his.

They had done this before, many a time. Just for fun, for shits and giggles, to release some tension and dull their respective loneliness. Yet each time he saw her smile of heard her laugh, or even talk, he became more and more prone to find himself thinking about her. He’d see something she’d like, and try to remember to tell her, or lie awake at night with her name at the tip of his lips, trapped behind them along with everything else he wanted to say to her.

On that morning, she unlocked them.

“Is this... real to you?” Her voice was small, and shy, like he’d never heard it before.

His hand froze, and his mouth opened slowly in realisation of what she was saying.

“It’s been real to me for a while now, Roxy.” He replied.

Dirk watched, as her lips began to twist into a smile, and she bit her lip, then laughed. Her eyes filled with tears but she wasn’t lonely anymore. 

And suddenly, he didn’t think he was, either.

~

 

Dirk drummed his fingers against the coffee table nervously, his entire body tense. When he heard his door bell ring, followed by a rhythmic succession of knocks similar, he noted, to the tune of “The Venga Boys”, he knew it was Roxy. Dirk hurried to the door, and pulled it open- as always, she immediately made an entrance. Roxy Lalonde gave a little squeal of excitement when she saw Dirk, and leaned up to peck him on the lips before pushing past him and into his apartment, all within the first couple of seconds. He could hardly respond to the kiss let alone say hello. He followed her down the entrance hall.

“Oh my God Dirk. I am so excited for our anniversary dinner tonight, can you believe it’s been three years?!” He smiled at her blatant enthusiasm, and noticed she was carrying several very full plastic bags.

“I’m pumped, too. I’ve got big things planned for tonight... almost, but not quite as big as those bags. What the hell are in those?”

Roxy heaved them onto his kitchen bench, as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, planting a soft kiss on her neck. She gave the softest satisfied noise, and it made him grin.

“Save it for later big boy. First I have to give you... drum roll please... your anniversary present!”

“The plastic bags?” He asked.

“What’s inside them, you big dope. Look look look look look!”

He chuckled, and unravelled himself from Roxy to see what was inside. When he saw them, his heart skipped a beat.

“Hell. Fucking. Yes. Roxy this is the best present anyone has ever given me.” He said, staring at the copious amount of bottles of orange soda in just one of the bags. “How many are there?”

“Thirty-two.” She responded, crossing her arms and sounding unbelievably smug. “I have connections. With the grocery store’s manager.”

“This is awesome. These will last me at least, like, a week.” He joked, and she poked her tongue out at him. He smiled, and took her face in his hands, kissing her.

“So when is the dinner reservation for?” Roxy asked when they pulled away. “Please tell me it’s soon, because I am soooo looking forward to a drink. Then we can like make out on your sofa and pretend we’re still in high school.”

“About the dinner...” He began. She turned towards him slowly, a glare forming as she narrowed her eyes. She said nothing, just stared at him, extending her neck so her head stuck out. He pursed his lips.

“Don’t give me that look.” He said, and her glare intensified. “Hey, stop! It’s not my fault. Well it is, but I cancelled it for a reason.”

“What reason could possibly outweigh delicious food!”

“I got-”

“I thought we had a deep connection, Dirk.”

“You don’t-”

“You’ve betrayed me deeply.”

“Am I interrupting something?”

A voice spoke- but not an unfamiliar one. It was Dirk’s voice, but the Dirk she was looking at’s mouth wasn’t moving. Roxy’s brow furrowed, and she looked around the room. Standing in the doorway to Dirk’s room, smirking smugly, with his arms crossed and his shades held between two fingers at his side, was another Dirk.

Roxy felt her skin go cold. Gaping, she took it in- he was exactly the same: his rough olive skin, his light hair that managed to defy gravity, thick with product, his piercing, gorgeous eyes that she often seemed to lose herself in, and even the purple indentations in his skin on either side of his nose from where his glasses sat day after day. She turned back to Dirk, or what she thought was Dirk, with a look of utter confusion on her face.

“Uuuuuuuh…”

“Happy anniversary.” Dirk said, and grinned. “Do you like him? He’s a perfect clone.”

“He is perfect alright, holy shit....” She said in a breathy voice, still trying to fathom what was before her. “How did you know I’d like this, huh? Getting a bit cocky there.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t remember?”

“Don’t remember what…?”

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” The clone piped up. “You were smashed.”

“He has your memories too?!”

“Yeah.” The original Dirk replied. “So he remembers everything about us, including that night at Jane’s 21st about a month back when you surrendered all of your kinks to me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh God, I didn’t…”

“You most certainly did. And do you know what was at the top?” He said, and she gasped from surprise, feeling the clone’s hands crawl around her waist, and he began kissing her neck, softly. Oh my god, she thought to herself. This really is a perfect clone.

“ “Two Dirk’s to have their way with you” were your exact words, I believe…” The clone whispered. Roxy could feel herself blushing, and she bit her lip in excitement.

“I think I see why you cancelled the reservation now...” Dirk snuck his hands around her thighs, and lifted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. She responded with a squeal of delight, and draped her arms over his shoulders, knotting her fingers in his hair and pressing her lips against his. It gave her butterflies every time, as if it was the first time she was kissing him.

As he carried her into the bedroom, the other Dirk following close behind, a thought crossed her mind… would it feel the same with the cloned Dirk, as it did with the original? _I suppose I’ll just have to find out._

~

That night, exhausted, the three of them fell into a satisfied slumber in Dirk’s bed, side by side. It was silent and dark, yet the clone lay awake, watching her. He felt strangely calm, and relaxed, observing her chest rise and fall with her breath, the small part in her lips, how softly her hand lay on the sheets in the space that separated them. That small space made him feel so far away- he remembered every moment with her, just as Dirk did, but for him, it was like it was out of a movie. He knew the story, he’d seen every second they’d shared… but he didn’t remember what it felt like. He didn’t remember the feeling of her touch, the way it made his heart thump, how his skin tingled from excitement just looking at her.

Tonight was the first time he’d felt love, and now he wanted more.

She stirred, and slowly, she opened her eyes. Roxy looked at him, and he could tell she was half asleep from the way she moved her lips- she was about to say something, but kept drifting back into unconsciousness. He decided to speak first.

“Did you have fun tonight?” He breathed, careful not to stir the original Dirk lying on the other side of her. She nodded in weary response, trying to keep her eyes open.

“It was so much fun… Best night… Ever…”

“Who was better?” He asked jokingly, and she giggled.

“You are both equal hotties…” She reached blindly for his hand, and found it, leaning in to quickly peck him on the lips, before closing her eyes and sighing wearily and squeezing his hand: “But I am always faithful to my original, of course… nothing can compete…”

In that moment, as his heart dropped into his stomach, he seemed to forget to breathe.

_Oh god…_ He thought to himself, _she thinks I’m the original._

He untangled himself from the sheets, not wanting to pull his hand out of Roxy’s grip, but having to- he just couldn’t lie next to them anymore.

He pulled on his pants in a flurry, and rushed into the bathroom.

_I don’t understand... I’m the same as the original… I’m no different._

_Yes I am. I’m just a clone. A copy… a toy for him to play with. Worthless. She can never love you._

He could feel his heart in his throat and heard nothing but the sound of his breath, loud and clear in his ears. A million thoughts rushed through his head, making it pound and ache. He gripped the edges of the sink tightly, his muscles tense as he leaned against it.

_Calm down,_ the clone kept thinking to himself. _Calm down, calm down,_ over and over, for what seemed like a very long time, to the beat of his heart.

At least he knew he had that.

But it seemed irrelevant if he didn’t have her.

He looked up, into the mirror, and he saw himself as Dirk. He saw the orange eyes and the blonde hair and the rough skin. He looked and looked, desperately trying to find the reason that he the original Dirk were different. He doesn’t look as helpless as me, the clone thought to himself, despising how weak he felt, despising having to describe himself as helpless.

He walked back to the room, and they were both still there, sound asleep, the original Dirk’s arm holding Roxy around the waist. And he could see it in that Dirk’s face- even asleep, he looked strong, and complete… and the clone hated it. The clone tore his eyes away from the sleeping figures.

For the remainder of the night, he lay on the sofa, but he didn’t sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> It feels so good to finally get something else up- it's been so long since I've written! This was actually inspired by a role play between my boyfriend and I- but being me, I had to make a story out of it! :)  
> The next chapter is coming up soon- stay tuned!


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